JSD

If there is one thing about motherhood that I have learned in the last two months it is, expect the unexpected. And that is exactly how the birth of our son went. My due date was February 8th. Everyone I talked to kept saying "you always go past your due date for your first baby!" I was silly enough to believe this.
I had my 38 week ultrasound on Wednesday January 22nd. The baby was measuring in the 97% for length and estimated at 8 pounds and 4 ounces. The doctor suggested that we might need to induce February 3rd because he was getting big. We left that appointment with the 3rd in mind as his birthday and I got to making lists of last minute things to do. Wednesday night I had some very random pain (what I know now were contractions). They were very irregular and stopped before I went to bed. I really didn't think anything of it.
Thursday night Kyle made his famous meatloaf, I was exhausted and fell asleep on the couch at 7:00pm. Kyle put me to bed and when I woke up in the morning I laid in bed to wait and feel the baby move. He normally would kick like crazy when I woke up, but I wasn't feeling anything. I got out of bed and got ready for the day. Still feeling no kicks, I drank a huge glass of cold orange juice and laid on my side. Still nothing. I was getting worried. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt him move. I had fallen asleep so early that I missed his normal active time. Kyle decided we should go to the emergency room.
When I arrived I was quickly taken upstairs and a very nice nurse got me situated in a room. She put the fetal heart monitors on me and quickly found the heartbeat. I started crying, I was so happy to hear that heartbeat. The nurse also hooked me up to a monitor that check for contractions. My doctor came to check on me around 9am and said that I was 3 centimeters dilated. WHAT?! My doctor said she would come back and check on us in a couple of hours to see if I was making progress. Kyle and I decided to walk around the unit and see if that could get things moving. Honestly, I was a little shocked to think that I could be in labor. I still had so much to do, and I hadn't finished my maternity leave plan at work. At noon my doctor came back and said I was 4.5 centimeters dilated and officially in labor. OH MY GOD WE ARE HAVING A BABY!
Kyle quickly called my mom. My mom hopped on the first plane to Atlanta and began her raced to Athens. I prayed that she would make it on time. My dad went back to their house and packed up their stuff and started the drive to Athens. Kyle went home to get our stuff and arranged for Gigi to be boarded while we were in the hospital. I was moved up to labor and delivery. My nurse asked if I wanted an epidural. Honestly, I wasn't feeling much pain. It was more like annoying cramps. I told her I wanted to wait and see what happened. I tried to sleep, but was too anxious. I couldn't even focus on watching TV. My doctor came back to check on my progress around 4:30pm and I was 8 centimeters dilated. HOW WAS THIS HAPPENING SO FAST?!
She wanted to break my water and see how I would progress from there. I agreed. Breaking my water didn't hurt at all, but soon after my contractions started to hurt like crazy and were very intense. After trying to walk and move around to get comfortable without success, I asked for the epidural. The procedure was quick and didn't hurt a bit. The contractions were more uncomfortable while I was sitting up, but as soon as the anesthesiologist was finished my legs started going numb and the pain started going away. The epidural seemed to slow down my labor, because I progressed from 8 centimeters to 9 slower than I had been progressing. I was actually kind of happy because it allowed my mom to get from DC to Athens in time. She showed up at 9:00pm and by 9:30 it was time to start pushing.
Because of the epidural the actual pushing part was harder than I expected. I couldn't tell what I was doing, I couldn't feel anything past my belly button. Everyone in the room was very encouraging, but I felt like nothing was happening. I was getting crazy heartburn each time I pushed, and felt like I was going to throw up. Kyle and my mom were holding on to my legs and telling me to keep going. There were a couple of times I wanted to stop and didn't think I was going to make it. But the amazing nursing staff and my doctor just kept encouraging me. After three hours of pushing, John Scott Dailey was born January 25th at 12:21am weighing 8lbs 8oz and measuring 21 inches long.

 

They put him on my chest immediately and he looked right at me. The first thing my mom noticed were his dimples. I was just in awe. He kept picking up his head and looking around. I didn't want to let him go. We stayed in the labor and delivery room for awhile, my dad was about an hour away and we wanted him to meet JSD before we were moved to the mother baby unit. My mom and Kyle went to get food, I was starving. My dad finally made it to the hospital at 2:00am and got to hold his grandson. Kyle then went with the nurses to give JSD his first bath. My parents went back to our house and I was moved to the mother baby unit.

 

There was a huge gap in time between his birth and the first time I attempted to nurse him. I was so exhausted from pushing and the lactation consultant on shift was not the greatest help. The first try did not go well. Kyle and I decided the first night that the baby should stay in the nursery so that we could get some rest. After a couple hours of sleep the new lactation consultant on duty came in with the baby and we attempted again to nurse. JSD was a little slow on the uptake. When our peditatirican came to check on him Saturday she mentioned that his bilirubin levels were rising and he might have to be treated for jaundice. Because of the high bilirubin levels JSD was a little more tired than normal and would fall asleep while trying to nurse. The lactation consultants were great and tried to help in as many ways possible to get his to latch and stay alert. They also showed me how to use my pump and get me started so that hopefully I could get my milk to come in and establish a supply.
By Sunday morning I really just wanted to go back home. Sunday after my doctor visited and said I was doing well, and the pediatrician made our follow up appointment for Monday we left to go home. The first night home was good. I kept attempting to nurse him, but it wasn't really working. At the pediatrician Monday his bilirubin levels were still high and we were sent back to the hospital. JSD was put on blue lights and treated for jaundice.  We had to supplement with a bottle and formula.

 

Thank god for my parents. They took care of things at the house, including Gigi and brought us food while we were in the hospital. It was miserable being in the hospital again. They kept taking JSD's blood to test his bilirubin levels and he had to stay on the blue lights. I couldn't hold him and snuggle him. After two nights on the blue lights and more visits from the lactation consultants we finally got to go home again.

 

I continued the nursing, pumping and supplementing schedule and was becoming exhausted. Kyle was so supportive and would sit with me while I nursed and pumped, but it was starting to take a toll on me. I wasn't getting much rest at all. I was miserable and not enjoying any part of motherhood. I cried and cried and cried. All. Day. Long.  JSD was not gaining weight quickly and I was feeling like a failure. After two weeks we decided to quit breastfeeding and switch to formula. This was for my mental health and the health of our baby. It was a really hard decision, but after talking with my OB and the pediatrician we decided it was best for JSD. As soon as we switched to formula he quickly began gaining weight, but my feelings of inadequacy and failure continued. It has taken me awhile to reconcile our decision to bottle feed.

 

I will admit that around the one month mark I started to feel more confident in my abilities. I felt comfortable going out in public with JSD alone. I attended a new mother support group and mama and baby yoga classes. The last three weeks of my maternity leave were amazing. I love our little man and being a mom, but it took me awhile to get there. I couldn't have done it without the support of my husband, family and doctors. You can read and "prepare" as much as you want but nothing truly prepares you for a newborn. You just have to experience it and know that it gets better!