On friendship

Friendships are like most relationships and they change over time. I learned this lesson first hand when I got married. It was an adjustment, priorities changed and my life changed. Of all my close girlfriends, I am the only one that is married and I am now the only one that will have a baby. I was talking to my friend Briana the other day and I told her that getting married and having a baby has been one of the most isolating things for me. I don't have any "mom" friends to ask questions to or share stories with. I don't want to turn into the friend that is always talking about baby stuff. When you are in different life phases and hundreds of miles apart how do you maintain the friendship?? The answer to this question is ever changing. There is give and take on each side. And understanding that needs to be sought from both ends.

Briana mentioned that she feels like she is judged when she shares her single girl stories. I was shocked to hear her say this. I told her that I was more often jealous of her and all the stuff she got to do. When she was going to a bunch of concerts this summer I was upset because I was spending money on furniture, not fun stuff. When she talked about happy hour and going out, I wanted to cry because my happy hour has become pajamas and Netflix with a Tervis full of ice water. And I don't feel like I can complain about it, or mention it because I chose this. I chose to get married and I chose to start a family and be in this place. So instead I don't say anything, or I avoid the conversation all together.



Briana had tried calling me July and August and I never called her back. Life was crazy with the new job, move, baby and start of the school year. I didn't want our phone conversation to turn into me bitching about how I couldn't manage my life, so part of me was trying to wait it out and let things return to normal for myself. When we finally did talk I mentioned how overwhelmed I was (and still am) and struggling with the life changes. After our phone conversation she said she realized and understood my isolation issue and that it was temporary. To her our years and years of friendship were more important than this adjustment phase right now, and she could either try to help or turn it into as issue that would place more stress on the situation and risk tearing things apart.



That is friendship. I am grateful for friends that are understanding. It isn't like my current life situation will always be this way. Eventually life calms down. Who knows, I could move back to VA and be physically closer to friends and family making this situation so much easier. Or the shoe could be on someone else's foot and they are dealing with major life changes that challenge a friendship. Again, it is important to seek understanding about situations. Being a good friend is confronting issues in the friendship and telling each other how we honestly feel. I appreciated Briana sharing that she was upset I wasn't returning her phone call, or that she felt like I was judging her. It allowed me to apologize and explain. It allowed a solution and the opportunity to move on. For me the worse feeling in the world is to be overwhelmed in life and then on top have that have someone mad at me. A friend is supposed to make you feel better, not worse. I know I am not perfect. I need to give my friends more credit. Let them in when I am feeling out of control. Because honestly, I wouldn't have made it this far without them.